Reflections

I feel a need to reflect on why on earth God gave me life. Why did God bless me by allowing me the joy of becoming a Baha'i? Why did God bless me with such a wonderful husband? Why did God also so generously bless me with four beautiful and wonderful children? And why am I further blessed to have 17 beautiful and wonderful grandchildren? Gracious, three of them are even "great!"

What else am I supposed to do with my life now that I am in my sunset years? Much earlier in my life after I became a Baha'i, I used to dream of going pioneering to some far away land to shed Baha'u'llah's Fragrances more globally. Alas, that was not to be. Instead, because of the love for our children, the Love of my life and myself chose homefront pioneering so as not to uproot our children from their more comfortable environment here in America. Even then, we had to wait until we had obtained our undergraduate degrees lest we have difficulty finding lucrative work elsewhere in this country. I sometimes wonder how different life for our family might be today had we gone to Australia or New Zealand back in the 70's when we first had desires to go.

Who am I and what does life mean to me? Now there's a good head scratcher. Where do I start? Let's see, I am basically a good person in that I aspire to never be the cause of harm to anyone. That's not to say that I never lose my temper or get bent out of shape about something and act like a b...head, then feel remorse for it later. I am basically a happy person. I laugh a lot, including at myself when I do something of an ignoramus nature. I strive to pray more throughout the day each day for I feel that enables me to deal with life on better terms. It also gives me the "wherewithall" to ask God to please protect my family and friends from harm.

Now that our "nest" is empty, I take that longing desire to see and be with my children, more often than they could bear, by transferring it to our two dogies. I smother them with love and affection and benefit greatly when they love me in return with their tail wagging, their "kisses" and their warmth when they lay sleeping close to me in a chair or by my feet.

I look out across our horizon and take in the beautiful views of God's wonders in these mountains we have been so fortunate to live among for these last years. The tiny, fluttering wings of a hummingbird gives me great joy as does watching them sip from our nectar filled troughs. Even the many butterflies that grace us here at Windy Ridge (what we call our little 5.47 acres) give me a tremendous feeling of awe as they flutter from one flower to another.

In the evening when my Love and I settle in front of the TV, I often reach out and hold his hand or he holds mine, just because we share of ourselves with each other so naturally. It gives us warm fuzzies.

Even though I am uncertain if I deserve it, I say, "Thank you, God, for giving me this life."